Day Three: 9 January 2006

5.48
Day went smoothly yesterday until nightfall. As I went back to my kuti, the lights fell and the forest was lit only by moonlight. So many dark patches of tree shadows I dared not go forward. I froze and looked around. Much noise and movements. For many minutes I would not and dared not move, out of fear and expectation to step on snakes, millipedes, toads and whatever else my mind imagine to be there. Then, as I thought about how this same stretch of forest had been so pleasant and warm during the day, my mind changed, and fear went away.

Who knows what I passed by, or what I stepped on. But I told myself, if I could not deal with this small stretch, how could I go into the forest in Thailand?

I’ve managed to overcome the urge to eat at night. Food is excellent here and there are lots to eat.

Wonder how mum and dad are doing…may they be at peace and in harmony and happiness.

16.34
First interview with the sayadaw. Very compassionate and attentive, he listened closely to my accounts, and was very encouraging.

Continue practicing. Observe the Noble Silence. Let one object be on the mind at any one time. Focus on what you’re doing, don’t let thoughts drive and fool you. Confront your fears and see them as they really are.

The coil which seemed to be like a snake was merely a millipede, I later realized. Do it no harm and it will do you no harm. Even a sweet dog can become barking mad and bite!

While sitting earlier, I felt a touch and again fear consumed my whole being. Only when I opened my eyes did I realise it was just the breeze and the mosquito net. Not some monster, not some creepy crawly!

And the thing dangling from the tree I walked into: merely a leaf hanging from a loose spider web. Not some fierce, venomous creature; not some human-eating and killing machine!
Face fear, face reality and realise things and beings as they are, as they really are.

21.40
Just the Lord Buddha and me, in the darkened meditation hall. Mosquito nets hung like umbrellas here and there. I sat where I could see Buddha, and where the Buddha could see me. And I meditated. For a brief few moments, I felt ‘nothing’.

Then came the squealing of puppies, the insect crowls, the ticking of ghekkos, and the ever-continuous chanting in the background.