Day Thirteen: 19 January 2006

9.18

In a matter of one hour sitting, the fog, the thick dense veil which clouded the forest, the path, and the day, had cleared. And what a glorious morning it is.

10.21
What is the sensation of anger?

It is heat, it is raging vibrations throughout your body. It is constant streams of sparks in the chest. The arms feel bloated, as if they are many times the normal size; the head feels dizzy. The heart races and pounds vigorously. The upper body tingles with heat and vibrations and the chest feels such oppression from within.

A rush, high on adrenaline, like going down the slope of a roller coaster. And what a kill it is to be addicted to such a high…A kill of my mind, a kill of peace, concentration, and that compassionate ‘me’ I thought I possessed.

19.55
As I sat, there was a strong itching sensation on my forehead. I mindlessly moved my hand to scratch, and as I did I felt it. And I felt regret. Should have known, that mosquito that had beeen irritating me inside my net was on my forehead. And I scratched it to death!

Though it was dark, I could see my finger was soiled with blood, and my conscience dirtied with guilt. Had I broken one of the precepts? There was no intention, just mindlessness. And it cost a life, however small and irritating, still a life.

I quickly sent metta to it, hoping the mosquito would quickly turn into a higher being, now that it is free from suffering. I wished it could in another life learn the Triple Gems and liberate itself once and for all from rebirth and suffering. But still my body and mind felt itchy and agitated for many moments.

After the sitting I took a look at the mosquito. a dried up corpse, a mangled mess of twisted legs and body. Soon to become dust and disappear.