Day Five: 11 January 2006

8.36
Feeling so tired! The past hour or so of sitting kept nodding off, however I remind myself that I must focus on the rising and falling of the abdomen. The feeling of sleepiness, perhaps laziness, is overpowering. Even this morning, I woke up just in time for breakfast. Where is this tiredness coming from?

Then I saw this poster outside the meditation hall. Practice is like climbing a mountain: the beginning is always difficult and uncomfortable, and steeped with obstacles. But one must overcome them with steadfast determination and will power.

9.35
Second interview
The kind sayadaw sat and listened intensely, even concerned about the rash on my upper lip.

Forgive those you are angry at, give them compassion, loving-kindness and give them your metta. Don’t dwell in the past. Live in the present and don’t be constrained by time, by planning, and by what is to come. Live in the here and now.

Recognize your thoughts, your sleepiness, your anger, your hearing, your senses, recognize your thoughts, your intentions your desires and dislikes. Recognise them, and be mindful of them.

Don’t be discouraged, don’t be disappointed, don’t be deflated, and don’t be elated either. For they are just moments in time, just sensations, experiences and emotions. Continue, continue with the practice.

And do practice loving-kindness meditation, do give your well-wishes and well-meanings to the world. That will make you feel freeer, fell lighter, make you sleep and live better.

12.20
Just met a friend from Yangon and had a brief chat. Funny as I lay in bed I was just thinking of contacting her, and she came! Very friendly lady, offered to bring me anything I need and to take me around town on the last day.

But as I went back to lie down, my thoughts raced…what to do, what to say, how the day will be, what gift to give, how Thailand will be like etc, etc. Racing, racing continuously, proliferating continuously.

It’s true, five minutes of talking can ruin the whole day’s concentration.

Be mindful!

17.15
There is much anger, much clinging onto the words and actions of people, and they rise up like snakes to disturb my practice.

Much misunderstanding, much wrong, and much conflict resulting in this state of dissatisfaction, frustration and deep regret and sorrow at the events surrounding family affairs.

It’s easy to note: ‘Don’t be fooled by them’. ‘Don’t be carried away by them’. ‘Don’t be tempted by their intensity and their seemingly omnipresent force’.

Letting go is the hardest to let go of.