Day Seven: 13 January 2006

7.10
A foggy morning. Another dream, neither pleasant nor unpleasant.

In London, traveling with the same luggage I have now, apparently wanting to go home after a job interview as a school teacher. But I never made it to the interview, because I left my sleeping bag on the bus. My referee, I distinctly remember it was my tutor while I was teaching at Forest Gate High, called me to ask how the interview went. I lied. I know I lied because I never went. But he revealed that I got the job. As I hurried to go to the place, I got on the bus and told the bus lady “Upton”. She warned me that the place is dangerous and the children are unruly.

Woke up then, already 5.30.

9.25
Third Interview
How do you deal with anger?
Observe the anger, watch it, watch it, label the anger: ‘Anger, anger’. And you will notice the specific characteristics of anger: heat, frustration, impatience, sweating, nervousness. But also notice as you watch anger, the general characteristics of impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, and non-self. Realise that when anger or frustration arises, there is usually a source, a person or an object. But this person or object disappears, and the mind clings onto the feeling of anger, fuelling it more and more.

The mind grabs more reason to be angry, more fuel, and if the anger is not checked by mindfulness, then it will continue.

Note ‘anger, anger’, and watch it rise and fall, note its characteristics.

To overcome the source, think good thoughts, use wise reflection. Send metta and forgiveness to the source object or person. Think positively and the anger or frustration will subside.

Be mindful of all daily activities: eating, drinking, standing, sitting, walking, blinking, opening, writing. However minute or irrelevant, be mindful of them, or else your mind will be disturbed and concentration will be lost.

Be mindful from the moment you wake up, to the moment you lie down. And like in your dream, you too can be mindful in sleep. Intention is the most difficult to note, but practice noting it because it is so suibtle and difficult. It arises suddenly and by the time you note it, it has already disappeared. Note ‘wanting, wanting’, ‘intending, intending’, or even ‘craving, craving’. Note this intention, because it is often the intention which escapes our minds. And they cause the most harm.

Try, try, continue with the practice, and try.

18.37
Why am I afraid of a movement in the dark? It did me no harm. But did cause me to freeze, to tremble, to stand still and to fear.



21.45
A raised, black shadow, with a round smooth head. Movement! Sounds! A cobra?! I shone light against the shadow, and it disappeared.
Only the shadow of the mosquito net pole against the wall…